T.J. Klune - Bear, Otter, and the Kid 1 - Bear, Otter, and the Kid by TJ Klune

Author:TJ Klune [Klune, TJ]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

8. Where Bear Stares into the Sun

I KNOWyoure probably wondering if I said anything back to him. I didnt, but before you get all angry and are all, like, Oh my God, Bear, but he was so sweet and cute and vulnerable, just know that I have my reasons. The clouds might have been gone, and the ocean might have gone back to wherever it came from, but I knew they were still there, somewhere. Trying to reconcile with this complete change that Ive been going through has been more taxing that Id first thought. For days now, Ive wanted nothing more than to sleep either in my bed alone or with him. Even when its with him, Im usually asleep as soon as I hit the pillow. My body is lethargic and my thoughts muddled, but its not so very bad. Hearing him say what he said has brought new understanding to who I am and who I want to be. If someone can care about me that deeply, despite all my faults, despite all my refutations, despite all my everythings, then that makes all the storms and all the oceans worth it. I just hope that I can remember this. Its a thought I fall asleep to, and its there when I wake. Its my mantra, and I repeat it so I know that I know he is real.

But do I love him? I dont know. Dont get me wrong: Ive always loved Otter, but not in the way that were talking about now. If I do love- love him (God, how lame does that sound?), its in a way that Ive never done before. I think often about how I felt about Anna. I try to compare the feelings, but its just not possible. There are so many differences between the two (aside from the fact that one has a penis) that its like I can never feel the same for Anna as I do for Otter. But I know I could never feel for Otter what Anna and I had. I think back to what Ty said, on that day that we went to Portland to pick up Creed. Its only been weeks, but it seems like years. He said that he thought it was like your stomach was on fire, but in a good way. He said its like you could not go on another day without the person. I had told him I thought it was when all the stupid love songs on the radio started making sense. The only reason I think were both right is because his makes sense, but I found myself singing along to a Celine Dion song on the radio.

And I got it.

So what does it all mean? I wish I knew. I still cant seem to shake the dark senseless jealousy I felt when he was talking about Jonah. I know Otter

is here with me now, and he says hes not going anywhere, but I cant help feeling like his past is not as over as Id like it to be.

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